Can People Really Change?

What does change really mean?

To most the word change means… to do something different than what was done.
I believe there is struggle with change that starts with the way we perceive change.  Most often change is forced. When we force change we create more resistance to the “isness” of life (my way of saying the way life IS)… then we experience the harshness of the law of attraction, “what we resist will persist.”   To flip this to a more attractive form of change we need to learn to let go and accept the situation, surrender.  Not give in or give up, but allow the situation to be what it is.

Let me give you an example…
Most parents believe in order to raise healthy strong children we need to show them what they did wrong so they can learn from their mistakes.  Say you have a 13 year old, she isn’t doing great at school and you see she spends a lot of her time playing video games.  So a parent might say “your grades will not improve if you don’t spend time studying and working hard on your school work, so I’m taking away the video games until your grades improve”. In a child’s mind this means I’m bad and I am too stupid  to do any better so they quit or get angry because of the feeling of lack of control in this situation.  You might be thinking too bad… there are consequences for actions.  This is true but there is a better way to get children to see the gifts out of their struggles.  What if we aligned with them in building confidence instead of their story of defeat… Remember before you even speak to children  they already believe that it’s too hard to change (internal bullying or negative chatter) otherwise it wouldn’t be happening.  In learning to align we can create opportunity to speak to their wisdom… “How do you feel about the grades your getting in school?”,  “Would you like it to be different?” , “How would you like it to be different?”, then end it with “I understand, let me know how I can support you..or I understand would you like to hear how I would handle it?” The last one is asking permission to give someone advice.  This is so important, it helps us open up and not be defensive.

Kids and parents have a lot of friction in these areas.  We call these times “Teen years”.  The truth is, that children are trying to be seen and heard.  This is natural based on most parenting styles.
In my concept of “Give up to Gain” we create a space for children to speak their truth in a safe neutral way allowing a parent to understand a child’s perspective.  This is true in any relationship.  Remove the child from the story and put in a spouse or lover, a co-worker, or a parent.  The way we behave in relationships is based on roles we believe another person should do, vs accepting the idea that their perception is different and they can’t see yours.  Here is the opportunity to shift and let go.
Hope this helps open your heart and eyes to the gifts of your life.

Blessing and balance
Love and light
Tamra B
Your Soul Fire Igniter